Jin Guangyao's hand on his wrist is a steady, grounding feeling, pulling him back from the flood of emotions threatening to drown him. The dam hasn't quite burst, but the cracks are there and it's only a matter of time.

He cannot help but cover Jin Guangyao's hand with his own, running his long, gentle fingers over unmarred, intact knuckles, marveling at the pulse of life and thrum of spiritual energy under his fingertips.

So lost in thought is he, Jin Guangyao's offer takes a moment to register.

When it does, Xichen's head shoots up and for a moment, he looks as though he might accept.

(It would be so easy to say yes, to reach out for the person he's wanted for twenty years.

And he knows how truly awful it will be when Jin Guangyao finally learns the truth behind his death.)

Gathering all his willpower, he pulls his hands away.

"It is a kind offer, but I cannot. When A-Yao knows the truth, if he still wants this foolish er-ge in his bed after... then I will not refuse."

He's not going to lay with the love of his life under false pretenses.