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Entry tags:
SUMMER TEST DRIVE MEME
⚰︎ ⍢ ⌲ ⍚ TEST DRIVE MEME:
Welcome to RUBILYKSKOYE – a dark, horror-smut game where player choices will drive a mod-run storyline about the world and its NPCs. This test drive meme provides a medley of prompts evoking the game's general tone.
THESE THREADS CAN BE GAME CANON if both players are accepted into the game and agree to it. However, if players who'd prefer to start fresh are welcome to reuse these prompts in their own personal logs upon acceptance into the communities. Note: the universal test drive arrival prompt will not be repeated on the coming event log, but players are welcome to reuse the prompt.
CONTENT WARNINGS for this game include: monsters, body horror, dub-con, non-con, religion, blood/violence, and marking/branding, loss of autonomy/self, and mental influences. This log additionally has warnings for: nudity, D/S mechanics, public sex, aphro, bondage, free use, death, missing persons, snakes.
If you have QUESTIONS about the test drive prompts, please ask HERE. Questions about the game itself or the general setting should be directed to the FAQ.
FAQ ✧ SETTING ✧ CALENDAR ✧ RESERVES ✧ APPLICATIONS
THESE THREADS CAN BE GAME CANON if both players are accepted into the game and agree to it. However, if players who'd prefer to start fresh are welcome to reuse these prompts in their own personal logs upon acceptance into the communities. Note: the universal test drive arrival prompt will not be repeated on the coming event log, but players are welcome to reuse the prompt.
CONTENT WARNINGS for this game include: monsters, body horror, dub-con, non-con, religion, blood/violence, and marking/branding, loss of autonomy/self, and mental influences. This log additionally has warnings for: nudity, D/S mechanics, public sex, aphro, bondage, free use, death, missing persons, snakes.
If you have QUESTIONS about the test drive prompts, please ask HERE. Questions about the game itself or the general setting should be directed to the FAQ.
IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE
The chirping of partridges in the treetops rouses you. Light barely filters through the canopy, just enough to suggest daylight. By the time it reaches the forest floor, the light has taken on a sickly green. You lie amongst the damp mosses and ferns, the balmy summer air warm and sticking on your bare skin. Wherever you were before this moment, whatever you were doing or wearing, when you awaken in this forest, you find yourself naked and helpless as the day you were born. As you sit up and get your bearings, aside from a brief wave of disoriented nausea, you seem to be no worse for wear than you last remember.
You seem to be alone. The gnarled oaks and moss suggest no sign of civilization or sentient life. Just flickers of movement from curious squirrels or brave lizards emerging from their hiding places. With your feet under you, you'll find the wood is filled with berry bushes and nut trees, though much of the fruit has been picked clean. The freshwater stream that runs north-south, populated by both poisonous toads and delicious crawdads, is knee-deep and surprisingly chilly. Here and there, dotting the verdant forest, are strange, massive white trees extending into the sky, surrounded by a circle of dead soil. Their sides are smooth and cool to the touch – like bone, for those who know its texture – and they creak alarmingly, threateningly at the press of warm hands.
As you explore, you may encounter caches of clothing left in painted crates or placed in hollow tree trunks. They contain loose shirts and trousers, perhaps even a moth-eaten coat, along with a note that includes a bare-bones explanation for your arrival and a sketched map toward town. You may also run into others with stories just like yours. Some may have already formed clumsy nudist groups, others may still be processing their confusion, with no memory of how they got here. Now is a good time to overcome any hang-ups you have about modesty; it's going to be a long hike to find civilization.
Turn your back to the darker, shadowy parts of the forest and eventually the glow of manmade lights and the curve of a dirt road may come into view. At the edge of the wood, you'll find a town surrounded by a fifty-foot wall of beige stone. The only entrance is an iron gate positioned on the southern edge. When you arrive, the gate is already open, welcoming people inside.
This quaint, historic town of five-thousand has cobbled street and signs lit by gas lamp. Wooden shutters protect otherwise open-air windows on the buildings, which are all under three stories with gabled roofs. A number of businesses hug the main street – a clockmaker, a cobbler, a grocer – while residential homes sprawl outwards towards the wall. Above the town, drifting like a low hanging cloud over the tops of the buildings, is a pavilion swathed in deep red cloth, and to the north, past the end of the main street, are several large blockades barring further exploration. Somewhat strangely, the whole town seems to be in a state of slight disrepair– workers bustle around, filling in a large hole in the town wall, a woman curses and fiddles with the crank mechanism of a well, and children splash through muddy potholes in the cobblestone, chasing a malnourished looking dog. Here, the bone trees have taken root as well, a few rising through buildings, branches extending through cracked roofs, others rooted in the middle of the street.
When you enter, the streets are full of people, but despite any efforts on your part to hide or make excuses, they don't seem offended by your nakedness. Even families with children don't gawk or look twice. Those determined to find proper clothing regardless will find that modern clothing stores aren't available – the closest this town has is a tailor's shop and a stand in the central marketplace selling scarves and blankets.
BREAKING AND ENTERING
If you intend to have your character break into someone's house or yard to steal some of their clean laundry, please review the info about game laws on the FAQ and give the mods a heads up HERE.
Fortunately, the people of the town are very generous! Anyone who ask the locals will be directed to the boarding house for both clothes and a place to stay. Accessible through an embellished iron garden gate and obscured by hanging plants, trees, and vines, beyond an overgrown yard in the residential sprawl of the town is a bright-red door, which opens to a spacious cottage of several stories. Parts of the house still bear the dust of disuse, gathered on various furnishings – bedding, sofas, curtains, wooden tables. However, it's already full of people! Once inside, you may notice patchwork repairs have been made, some scorch marks still linger from a fire about a year back, and the place seems somewhat in disrepair
Tonight, a few of the townspeople will help out with the new arrivals. They stock the kitchen and prepare a communal dinner of parsnips, pheasant, and squash. During dinner, they (and those outsiders who've already begun to settle) sit down at the enormous wooden dining room table and help orient the newcomers and answer their questions. The town has recently been through some upheaval, and its people have suffered a great loss, newcomers are told. Everyone is doing their part now to restore it to its former glory.
finding roommates
Don't spend too much time in the dining room going for seconds, though. You'll want to claim a bedroom quickly because each one only has two full-size beds, and there aren't enough spaces for everyone. The last people upstairs will need to double up to squeeze in. Roommates will not be mod-assigned; players should coordinate directly with one another to determine their living arrangements.
Get a good night's rest. By the light of day, locals will help get the new arrivals set up on the coal stove with breakfast. You may notice they're dressed in a way you would almost call normal – at least, in a manner befitting 19th century Eastern Europe. As you find your way around town to get your bearings, folks are eager to help you find a place to apply your skills so you can contribute to your new home.
WRITER'S BLOCK?
If you're struggling to pick a way to engage the prompts, try: naked hiking, acquiring clothing or other inventory items, asking questions at dinner/orientation, or staking your claim on a bedroom!
THE FESTIVAL OF SUMMER'S EVE
Despite the repair efforts around town, summer is in full swing, which means it's time to take advantage of the warm weather! Colorful tents have been set up, stages and spaces for "games" to be played, many involving intimacy, playfulness, sex, or "fun". In fact, there's a great deal of emphasis on fun being had all around. Each round begins with a prayer to the Duchess. Not bowing your head in prayer may get you a stares from locals, or worse, opponents may be extra motivated to defeat someone so disrespectful to her Grace.Each Thursday, buildings are festooned with wreaths of wildflowers, tables are laden with food and drink, and everyone is given colored sashes to wear over their clothes. Festival goers are not allowed to enter the main events unless they wear a sash, and to get a sash they must reveal their curse marks. Those marked with the curse of Wilk receive blue sashes, Diabel get red, Skala receive green and Niez are adorned with grey.
This summer's eve, the locals are eager to explain, is a festival about giving trust to one another, taking pleasure in the present and acceptance in things as they are. What perhaps isn't explained nearly so well is that everyone is expected to demonstrate enthusiasm for the festival activities, lest they catch the eye of the Duchess' watchful stewards. There's a strange energy in the air, furtive, sorrowful looks and forced smiles, but a sense of relief lingers in the festival crowds as they set to celebrating their hearts out.
Tables overflow with refreshments, especially iced drinks and chilled fruit to cool the summer heat. Rubeans traditionally spice their foods with aphrodisiacs, something that is so culturally normal to them that they don't feel the need to mention it.
- An outdoor feast starts the festivities, with commanders, who are expected to give orders, and followers, who must follow the whims of commanders, whatever they decree. Who commands and who follows is decided by the curse-marked sash participants wear. But there's a twist – every three hours, a horn blows, and the roles switch at random; commanders become followers and vice versa. Many festival-goers, now in a position of command, are eager to get petty revenge on the followers now at their mercy. And if you should be seen disobeying or disregarding a command, or refusing to issue commands when your turn has come around, well, that doesn't seem like proper active participation at all!
- Rope Tying Contest! Riggers from all around town are eager to show off their rope-tying skills, with contests taking place judging both in their ability to weave an intricate web of knotwork over another's body, and to suspend them artfully for all to admire. And of course, those who are tied up will have to stay in place until the judging is complete! There's a public voting element to the contest as well, as festivalgoers "enjoy" these community pieces of art. Everyone who participates is given ample water, praise, and force-fed an herbal draught to calm their nerves if they seem to be getting a bit too agitated.
- Prison Bars & Glory Holes! Human-sized cages have been dragged out into the festival grounds and draped with heavy cloth. People may enter and leave them freely, taking advantage of the gaps in the bars to indulge in sexual acts with the veneer of anonymity. Sometimes, more than one person might find themselves in the same cage, or pranksters might close and lock the door behind them – oops!
- Spooky Story Telling! As evening falls, gather 'round in a crowded tent as a pair of story-tellers share and reenact tales of monsters and horrors past before opening the floor to the audience to share their own. Ten candles have been lit for the occasion, and one is snuffed out for every new story told. The air in the tent gets stuffy, made stuffier with the musky incense burning in the fire stoking the animalistic instincts of the participants until they give into fear and their more primal urges.
- A game going on throughout the town, regardless of whether someone consents to participation, is something the locals call Lock and Key. The rules are explained after you are grabbed and tied by your wrist (or ankle, whatever was available) to someone else: the locked binding tying you two together is blessed to be unbreakable until you each draw enough blood to soak through the binding... or find the key, stashed someplace on the festival grounds. Good luck!
- However, those who refuse to get in the community spirit of shared trust and pleasure may find themselves singled out by the Duchess' stewards for some personal, mandatory education on Rubean culture and traditions. They may be forcibly dosed with potent aphrodisiacs, locked into the cages or tied against the bars until they plead for Her Grace's mercy... or have satisfied enough of the sexual or sadistic desires of any passer-bys.
Throughout all of this, the general attitude from the local townsfolk may occasionally come across as strangely admiring or overtly hostile. While many of the common people of Rubilykskoye hold mixed personal opinions toward the newcomers to their town, two extremist groups have emerged with opposing viewpoints: some think you are benevolent, beneficent beings with nascent powers sent to lead and guide them and solve their woes. These people, called Blackguards, will do their best to make sure your participation in the festival is one of joy and pleasure. But others, called the Zlatniki, believe that the outsiders coming into their land have corrupted their fellows and seduced their Goddess, and will do their best to twist their native traditions toward cruelty and vindictive sadism when it comes to the Void-touched.
WRITER'S BLOCK?
If you're struggling to pick a way to engage the prompts, try partaking in refreshments, give or follow commands, participate in events, be drafted into games against their will, or suffer the consequences of disobedience!
FOREST DEPTHS
Rumor moves through town quickly: two nights ago, a group of loggers went out into the wood and no one has seen them since. Anyone who wants to prove their worth to the community is encouraged to join the search parties going out to look for them and bring them back home.As you and your fellow searchers venture deeper into the forest, shadows grow long and the air grows thick. The white trunks of the bone trees stand out starkly in the darkness, though you will be warned away from coming too close. Though the sun never grows warm red-gold with sunset, the wood darkens. Birdsong is replaced by the click of mandibles and the skitter of many legs. Anyone who ventures out this way will soon find it difficult to see before them, even in the middle of the day – eventually, even the brightest magical light source or darkvision cannot stretch further than a few inches.
Many peel off, going back to the town proper. The searchers become fewer and fewer. Maybe some of them are going back home, but maybe they're getting lost. Eventually, you walk around a large tree, and you're alone. It's just you and the Void.
The air feels heavy, as if it were not air at all but some more solid mass. Almost like liquid-smoke, it presses down upon you. Slowing your movements. Characters who push too far into the void may stop being able to move at all, and find themselves given over to insanity if they collapse, unable to draw themselves out. This is just one of many dangers.
Monsters thrive this far out. Huge, blood-red spiders the size of hunting dogs drop from the treetops. In addition to their venomous bite, which contains a fast-acting paralytic, these creatures are clever: they attempt to use their webbing to entangle any trespassers, binding limbs together or to trees. If you're unfortunate to become fully cocooned, you don't have long before this forest will be the last thing you see.
Those who seem lucky enough not to run afoul of the monsters here are in for a worse fate. The void can play tricks on your senses. As madness sets in and you lose all sense of direction, you may also lose control of your body – what is that steers your hands to turn against your friends? Why does it sound like your own voice whispering?
Yet the further you go, the more convinced you become that the missing loggers are near by. You're sure you can hear them on the wind, their voices calling out between the trees. Did you just see something out of the corner of your eye? You have to find them. You have to make all this darkness worth it.
WRITER'S BLOCK?
If you're struggling to pick a way to engage the prompts, try fighting a monster, hallucinating your worst nightmares, and/or attacking a friend or stranger! Feel free to find the bodies of the missing logging party – or hallucinate that you did.
RELEASE YOUR INNER BEAST
Something's wrong here.
The marks worn by all residents of Rubilykskoye aren't just cool body art, as it turns out. The town is full of rumors, whispered in shadows and over candles of a starving creature hiding in the dark corners of your chest. Feed your inner beast, they say, before it finds a way to feed itself.
Alas, its emergence is inevitable – sooner or later, the horrible things that happen here pile up and make someone repulsed by the idea of human contact. Someone holds themselves back, bites their tongue, or simply does not believe the stories. Today, for one reason or another, that creature is coming out. Someone hasn't been keeping it sated.
Symptoms escalate over weeks, from monstrous irritability to full-blown body horror transformation, where people physically shed their human forms and evolve into the monsters this place made them. Once a person becomes something more (or less) than human there's only one way to go back – sate the beast.
Early one morning, alarm bells are rung. The people of Rubilykskoye are quick to explain while boarding up their windows and locking their doors: Cvetanya has transformed after a lover's quarrel turned into heartbreak. Her inner beast – duchozweirz, the natives call it – take the form of a giant snake propelled by hundreds of human-like arms that extend to seize its prey so it might swallow it whole.
Those who are lucky enough to escape Cvetanya's grasp will find that the red scratches left by her monster's hands darken to black and fill them with an icy chill. Warm compresses, hot baths, or some skin-to-skin contact might be necessary for those suffering from her attack.
(There are other monsters lurking in every townsperson – feel free to invent your own NPC monsters and scenarios!)
The marks worn by all residents of Rubilykskoye aren't just cool body art, as it turns out. The town is full of rumors, whispered in shadows and over candles of a starving creature hiding in the dark corners of your chest. Feed your inner beast, they say, before it finds a way to feed itself.
Alas, its emergence is inevitable – sooner or later, the horrible things that happen here pile up and make someone repulsed by the idea of human contact. Someone holds themselves back, bites their tongue, or simply does not believe the stories. Today, for one reason or another, that creature is coming out. Someone hasn't been keeping it sated.
Symptoms escalate over weeks, from monstrous irritability to full-blown body horror transformation, where people physically shed their human forms and evolve into the monsters this place made them. Once a person becomes something more (or less) than human there's only one way to go back – sate the beast.
SOMEONE ELSE TRANSFORMS
Early one morning, alarm bells are rung. The people of Rubilykskoye are quick to explain while boarding up their windows and locking their doors: Cvetanya has transformed after a lover's quarrel turned into heartbreak. Her inner beast – duchozweirz, the natives call it – take the form of a giant snake propelled by hundreds of human-like arms that extend to seize its prey so it might swallow it whole.Those who are lucky enough to escape Cvetanya's grasp will find that the red scratches left by her monster's hands darken to black and fill them with an icy chill. Warm compresses, hot baths, or some skin-to-skin contact might be necessary for those suffering from her attack.
(There are other monsters lurking in every townsperson – feel free to invent your own NPC monsters and scenarios!)
YOU WAITED TOO LONG
At first, as you hide yourself from your darker impulses, a subtle itch develops under your skin. An irritability that makes you snap at the person who bumps into you on the stairs because all those fleeting emotions that you've been repressing bubble to the surface. Every dark thought you've had about being here, all the fears of never getting home, of being surrounded by ticking time bombs, the anxiety of wondering who you might hurt or what relationships you might betray by doing what you have to do. The anger. Oh, the anger.
Maybe you shut yourself in your room or run into the woods to hide away, but there's only so much you can do to deny the itch that grows into hunger like a spark catching and growing to wildfire. Someone comes to check on you. That knock on the door or crunch of leaves in the wood that fills you with dread at what you might do and hope that you will be sated.
As claws and fangs and scales and spines and fur grow and your body transforms with a sickening crunch of bones and peeling of skin, so do your appetites. If you won't sate them, you'll lose yourself to your beastly impulses sooner or later, mauling friends and taking your fill. Is it better or worse if only your claws get inside of them?
Maybe you shut yourself in your room or run into the woods to hide away, but there's only so much you can do to deny the itch that grows into hunger like a spark catching and growing to wildfire. Someone comes to check on you. That knock on the door or crunch of leaves in the wood that fills you with dread at what you might do and hope that you will be sated.
As claws and fangs and scales and spines and fur grow and your body transforms with a sickening crunch of bones and peeling of skin, so do your appetites. If you won't sate them, you'll lose yourself to your beastly impulses sooner or later, mauling friends and taking your fill. Is it better or worse if only your claws get inside of them?
no subject
Fuck off, ( he still says as they part, but immediately goes in for another kiss. it might not be the endless fucking he'd been imagining but he could still lay here for hours content with this, though first they'll need to move and clean up a little. reluctantly, he unwraps his legs from around janosh's back. is he not-so-subtly wiping his jerk-off hand on the sheets too? yes. is it kinda gross? yes. don't worry about it. they have a whole second bed in here and it's pristine.
as they part a second time: ) You're a dick.
( balance is restored. things are as they should be. )
no subject
Yeah, yeah. [ he answers, pulling Adder against his chest and planting a kiss against the side of his face. ] And I love you too!
[ nature is, indeed, healing ]
no subject
in the meantime, his arms wrap around janosh's neck and he presses a kiss to his cheek in turn with an appreciative hum. )
I want to kiss every part of you. ( he kisses janosh's lips, just a quick peck. ) I want to stay in this bed with you forever.
no subject
he at this precise moment feels a bit like every part of him has melted and Adder's words do nothing to bring him solid again. he really could get used to this forever. ]
I do not think we could manage that, but I would still try, for you. [ given a choice between staying in this bed forever with Adder, or going about his business without him, the answer is very clear. he grins then, because they can't go more than two minutes without ribbing each other. ] And so, are you going to kiss the Janosh or not?
no subject
( he says this as he's taking janosh's face in his hands, barely done talking himself before he's already placing a tender kiss on his brow. more kisses press softly to janosh's eyelids, his cheek, his jaw, back to his lips. he takes his time with that last one, kissing janosh gently and sweetly and like they haven't already kissed over a dozen times since stepping foot in this room.
obviously janosh is right -- they can't stay in this bed forever, no matter how adder thinks he'd like to right now -- so adder finds himself instead thinking ahead to how different his days will be in rubilyk now. the truth is he's been lonely and bored, despite how many friendly faces he's surrounded himself with. it's by no fault of theirs. he and janosh have simply been together too long for adder not to feel their separation as keenly as he has.
all that means is he's terribly excited for the littlest things. having meals together. talking shit together. even just sitting in silence and watching folks will be better with janosh than it has been alone.
thinking about all that warms his heart so much that he scarcely knows what to do besides just... keep kissing. so that's what he does. )
Janosh, ( adder murmurs into the kiss, still for no reason other than the delight of saying it. )
no subject
[ he murmurs as Adder's taking his face in his hands like that. it's really hard to keep going on that angle though when those kisses are so terribly sweet. Janosh feels like the luckiest man alive (if he is still alive) to be able to have this side of Adder. and maybe he really died too the day he lost him, but his heart has wrenched itself right back to life, warm and fluttering despite some lingering ache.
he huffs softly as though all the kisses are tickling him, all too happy to return the kiss at his lips. he himself can barely think past this exact moment, but the prospect of having this part of him returned is thrilling and wonderful. nothing is going to take that feeling away from him, no French bastards, no hellish monsters or whatever happens in this place. ]
Janosh what? [ he replies softly, even though he already knows there's not really an answer coming. contrary to what they've been telling each other, Janosh just wants to hear Adder speak about anything and everything or even nothing. he steals a kiss for himself, flattening his palm against the small of Adder's back as he holds him. ] I missed you.
[ he keeps saying it and it's never enough. ]
no subject
I'm sorry, ( he says, sorrow tingeing his voice more than he means it to.
he knows he doesn't need to go there, and that he really shouldn't when he'd already told janosh not to apologize, but he can't help himself. ) I'm sorry you had to go through such fucking shit on your own.
( and he had already said it, when janosh relayed the story of how things had gone back home, but he says it again: ) I should have been there with you.
( it likely wouldn't have made a difference at all. maybe bringing just one more man along would've even made the situation worse, having an extra mouth to feed and all when they were already struggling so much. stupid shit fucking job. they should've never, ever gone after that silver.
but that's war, isn't it? the loss of a handful of men, the suffering of a handful of others... none of that really matters, in the end.
adder's hands leave janosh's face as he speaks, moving to wrap his arms around him again in a loose embrace. he doesn't kiss him. he doesn't do anything just now but look at that silly, charming face. )
no subject
Adder. Leszek. No— [ he pulls Adder in tightly for a moment, resting his head against him. ] No, no, no. It was fucking shit, but you suffered most.
[ he'd left Adder there, they didn't get to even bury him properly. Janosh doesn't even want to think about what could have happened to the body, it hurts too much and still he doesn't think his pain could be anywhere near Adder's. if Janosh isn't allowed to apologize, he certainly isn't. drawing back, his expression does its best to relax again. he takes in Adder's face like he's afraid he might have forgotten it already, even though that can't be possible. ]
I wish we had been together then. But we're together now. [ he dips his head slightly, making sure that Adder is still meeting his eyes. ] Hey? We're together now.
no subject
Yes. We're together now.
( and that's enough — no, it's more than enough. it's more than he ever expected to have again. but that doesn't change — )
It just makes me so angry. I wanted to leave here the moment I woke up in those fucking woods but — ( he shakes his head, scowling. ) I couldn't.
( and of course deep down he doesn't really think he even can. his embrace tightens a little at the thought without his realizing it. )
But — ( he sighs, relenting. still hurting, still angry, still sad, but relenting. ) We're together now.
no subject
I know you would. You would if you could. [ he has no doubts about that at all. honestly though Janosh hasn't given thought yet to whether Adder can or will leave this place, if they ever get that chance. he doesn't want to think about it, he doesn't want to hate the answer. even if he's resolved to staying with Adder from now on, no matter what — no matter what Adder says — the best scenario is that they walk out of this together and alive.
Janosh's expression finally strains a bit too as a thought occurs to him. when he arrived here, and they told him he couldn't get out, well. Adder found him strolling down the street like he belonged because quite frankly, he didn't care. whether he's here or there, a nonsensical land of witchcraft or sat straight on the throne of Hungary, a life without Adder in it is a life that he doesn't want. but he feels like if he says something like that, Adder will only stay sad.
so he holds Adder tightly, buries his head against him, eyes closed like he's asking God Himself not to wake him up. ]
Do piče, [ he sighs a little too dramatically as he's stuck there against Adder ] I'm fucking angry too!
no subject
Fucking arseholes, ( he grumbles, voice muffled. who is he cursing, exactly? no idea. maybe all of the french, maybe all of prague. maybe the rubeans. ) They can all eat shit.
( again, who? adder could not even say if janosh were to ask. it doesn't really matter. it just feels good to say it. every fucker who has ever wronged them can eat shit. here, bohemia, hungary, poland. it doesn't fucking matter. let 'em all go to hell.
he closes his eyes and mindlessly traces soft patterns across janosh's back with one hand as he thinks. it's really too much to worry about now — particularly when he doesn't even know what he's trying to figure out. a way to escape? it isn't the time for any of that shit. he's not going to spring a plan to assassinate the duchess on janosh when they've just reunited and barely finished fucking. )
I shouldn't bring that shit up, ( he admits at last with a deep sigh. ) I don't want to piss you off; we should be celebrating. I just — ( have trouble regulating emotions sometimes? yes. ) I don't fucking know. ( he presses another lingering kiss to janosh's hair. ) I want you to be happy.
no subject
[ maybe it doesn't even need to be someone specific. Janosh can be angry at everyone and everything that took Adder away. he eventually rolls his head back a bit so he can look at Adder again, the warmth of those patterns on his back drifting up into the smile that he settles on. he can't help but chuckle quietly after. ]
We are idiots. [ he lifts his hand to rest on Adder's cheek. ] That is all I want for you too, hey? [ to be happy, not to have to think about the things that upset him, sadden him. probably there's no way for them to get over things for good, that sadness and grief will always threaten to bubble up. but they can be happy for the fact that they're together, that whatever this place is, they've got each other. life has meaning again for Janosh, and that should be enough.
he puts his hand back against Adder's back, but leans in to kiss him gently. ]
And Leszek, listen. I am happy. So fucking happy, young, giddy maidens have nothing on the Janosh.
[ he doesn't even care how that sounds to admit. Adder can hear it. he wants him to. he'll kick his ass if he ever teases him for it but he wants him to know. ] I love you. I'll keep saying it until you understand.
no subject
but his heart swells with fondness for this man in his arms as his anger once again ebbs away. it's strange now to think he had come to terms with the fact that he'd never see janosh again. it hasn't been too long since he'd last prayed for janosh's safety, though he doubts God can hear them in this hellish place. he'd still tried. now here they are.
it's a gift. a terrible gift, given the horrors they'll be subjected to, but a gift. adder doesn't intend to take it for granted. )
I know you do. I've never forgotten it. ( he smooths janosh's hair back with one hand, looking him in the eye so he knows he means it. there's never been any doubt. adder knows he can be the biggest prick in the world sometimes but janosh has always been there for him, no matter what. even when adder can't keep his dick in his pants around the bathhouse girls and other men's wives and whatever other pretty girls who happen to fall into his lap. janosh puts up with his shit and still loves him, despite it all. )
If we're going to speak like giddy maidens now, ( he grins, ) Then I can say I've thought about you every single day. These fuckers are probably sick to death from hearing about Janosh.
no subject
he smiles back as Adder looks at him. ] So, there's no way I can't be happy. You see?
[ as long as they're together, no matter what they're doing, that's enough for Janosh. his love will always win out over grief or anger, and maybe it's hard to remember that sometimes over the sting of it all, but it never stops being true. he's so happy right now he could cry about it. but he won't.
he will laugh though, making mental note that Adder indeed will need a kick in the arse at some later date. ] What is it, a competition?
[ he gives another dramatic sigh, but he's smiling. that Adder has been thinking of him makes him feel giddy all over again. so be it. ] Sick of the Janosh? Not even possible.
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Hm. Perhaps not now, ( he says with a mischievous quirk of his lips, ) But once they meet you? They won't believe I was singing the praises of such an annoying bastard.
( as prickly or horny or angry or rude or (& etc etc etc) as adder can be, he's a bit of a romantic, too. he actually can't wait to drag janosh around the village and introduce him to his various new friends. he wants the other void-touched to know him. he especially wants hans and henry to have the chance to know him better than they do.
…all under the guise of being very good friends, of course.
not that it really matters here. adder wonders if janosh has noticed yet, how different rubilyk is from home. not the fucking, no. but the other parts. the way some women have wives, and – )
You know, some men live with other men here, as they would with their wives, ( he blurts out suddenly. it might seem like a rather abrupt change of subject but it makes sense, at least by his train of thought. ) No one bats an eye. It's ... fucking odd, is what it is.
( not bad. just odd. )
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[ he moves one of his hands from its perch at Adder's back to rest against his chest. just because he can. he can touch Adder as many times and in as many places as he wants to, and he won't disappear. they don't have to hurry up and dress and run outside and pretend that they're just good buddies to the rest of the world.
which is not to say Janosh does completely understand just how little such a thing matters here. he of course knows about all the sex (and the fighting), but he's associated it with things you're supposed to associate it with. men fucking women, wenches in the taverns or baths. he and Henry pretending like they're going to casually bond over a nice set of tits they saw when they're actually each thinking of one very certain blond man.
so Adder's swing in conversation does come off to him as another form of joking around. he scoffs softly at the idea. ] Fucking odd is right! As they would with their wives? That can't be true.
[ but in his heart of hearts, there lives a sliver of thought for how nice that would be if it's real. it would cement the idea that this is some kind of Purgatory or Hell, but getting to be with Adder through all of its eternity is a trade he's willing to make. ]
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( the words are spoken... delicately. adder knows the weight this statement holds. he might not have any illusions about going to heaven (clearly — he'd be there right now if he was bound for it) but talking about it still feels dangerous somehow, like the wrong person is going to overhear or even that God Himself might strike them down right here and now for blaspheming the sanctity of marriage.
he thought he'd misunderstood the first time he'd encountered two men openly referring to themselves as a couple, and he still can't really comprehend how at ease people are with such things — void-touched and rubeans alike. it clearly hasn't changed how adder allows himself to be perceived in public spaces, either. shaking off a lifetime of conditioning doesn't happen overnight.
still, it does feel a little silly to be thinking any of this when he and janosh have quite literally just fucked, but that's one thing. adder struggling to say “i love you” even when it's just the two of them is one thing. janosh being so grief-stricken he can't stop saying “i miss you” is one thing. speaking casually about two men sharing a home together, implying that marriage could be anything but that of a union between a man and a woman… those are very different things.
that the rubeans, stunted and strange as they are, get to have this one thing really gets under adder’s skin. why should they be allowed such freedom? why should they get to be so happy in this piece-of-shit village of theirs?
so, bitterly, he adds: ) That bitch they worship, Zlatka, cares more that they're fucking than she does about who it is they're fucking.
( as he says it, something occurs to him. maybe it isn't that the rubeans are lucky. maybe it only means that men like him and janosh are of such little consequence that it doesn't matter what they do or how they live as long as the duchess gets her precious zadza.
he frowns at the thought, one hand moving to cover janosh’s on his chest, but doesn't let that unease color his tone as he just sort of casually concludes, )
It means we can do whatever we want, either way.
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imagine if he called him that and it wasn't blaspheming the sanctity of marriage.
that's a really dangerous chain of thinking, though. as much as Janosh absolutely wants to sing to the world how important Adder truly is to him— and he practically does do as much as he can get away with anyway, he also can't just undo what many, many years of hiding has taken. ]
Huh. [ he exhales finally, his mustache tipping up in half a smile. ] There was a lot of fucking going on, I just paid no attention to who was doing it. [ after all, unlike Adder, Janosh has other priorities aside from putting his dick in things. this is the first time he's had sex in ages, and he'd be fine if he only ever laid with Adder from now on too. Henry also found him quite early, so he hasn't had to put two and two together much yet. so all this really is a lot to take in. that just means he's extra glad he heard it from this man here in his arms. ]
Whatever we want... [ he would make some comment about how that means he's got to be dead now, except that he doesn't want Adder to think about those things. so he just smiles easier now, curling his hand so he's able to squeeze Adder's fingers. ]
You want them to know about us? Everybody.
[ if Adder says no, give it time or maybe never, Janosh is okay with that too. he hopes he knows that. he doesn't care what a bunch of randoms in this hell-place think (he cares a little what Henry and Hans do), but he'll put Adder before even himself no matter what. he'll figure out how to negotiate with god somewhere along the way. ]
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adder falls quiet for a moment of his own as he thinks it over. he wishes he could approach it like he does everything else in life. people can't understand him? fuck 'em, they can learn polish. some sad prick doesn't like that adder fucked his wife? fuck him too! he should look after his woman better. it should be like that for this, shouldn't it? if anyone has a problem with him and janosh, fuck them all straight to hell.
but
it isn't that simple, because of course it isn't. it never has been. )
I don't know, ( he admits at last with a brief apologetic smile that just as quickly tugs down into a frown. he loves janosh so much. why can't he just ... be fucking different about it? why can't he be as loud about this as he is about stupid shit like how horny he is at any given moment, or how beautiful whatever bath girl of the day happens to be?
well, he knows why. but that doesn't make him feel any better about it. ) Yes. I do, but —
( a sigh, frustrated with himself more than anything. ) I don't know if I can.
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he's sad because he understands completely. ]
It's alright. [ he answers after a moment, brows scrunching as Adder's weak attempt of a smile turns right into a frown. he fully turns his hand now so he can grasp Adder's, bring it to his lips for a chaste but meaningful kiss. ] We don't have to. Fuck it, they don't have to know shit about us.
[ they've managed it for years in Bohemia, they can manage it here even if there are men just walking around calling each other husband. their relationship has been built on entirely different feet than any local here. he isn't optimistic enough to even expect other void-touched to understand. their safety and well-being are far too important for him to be so trusting about this anyway. ]
As long as I get to come home to you, my Adder, that is enough for me.
[ if that happens to change somewhere along the line, it will be because they were good and ready for it to. both of them. and if it doesn't change, it doesn't diminish how he feels for this man. ]
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or maybe it's not anything more significant than random chance after all. adder doesn't know. maybe he's just being a romantic sop.
he can tell his answer makes janosh sad, though, and he understands. it makes him sad too. he wishes things were different, and maybe one day they can be. maybe one day the thought of being laid bare and seen so openly by other people won't terrify him. until then —)
I want a home with you. ( not pallets placed at an appropriate distance in a shitty inn’s attic or even a room in a boarding house. a proper home, just theirs. ) Somewhere we can eat and drink and fuck all we want, and no one can say shit about it! Our home. ( he shifts a little so he can rest his forehead against janosh's, eyes shut. ) This village is fucking awful, Janosh. Really fucking awful, but we could still have that.
( it’s an odd thought, having a home. adder’s so used to life on the road and sleeping in whatever ditch he needs to sleep in by now that even the boarding house feels like a luxury. he hadn't even planned to move out - why would he? a bed was all he really needed before janosh but his rubilyk priorities have shifted dramatically over the last few hours.
he decides two very important things in this moment: he will do whatever he can to protect janosh from ever enduring a fucked-up monster transformation, and he will find somewhere proper for them to live. they can have a life here, maybe. they can make the best of the shit they've been handed. )
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he’s got a hell of a lucky ticket anyway, as Adder is here in his arms and the weight of him is as real as his laughter or the soft confessions he lets escape. how can Janosh even think of the rest of this village, or what they think or say, when he has all he wants right here in front of him? so yes, he is sad that they have to hide, but he’s content not to ask for more until they’re certain they can have it. that they’re safe.
his brows lift slightly at Adder’s declaration, instantly feeling a sort of spike right into his chest that’s a mix of grief and utter joy. fucked up that they have to come all this way, go through all this shit, just to have something like that. but it’s a beautiful, wonderful thought. ]
Hm? [ he hums as Adder continues, closing his own eyes as their foreheads nestle together. ] It’s fucking awful, hey, but Suchdol is too.
[ he huffs out softly through his nose, mustache ticking up in a resigned but amused smile. he’d thought of not admitting what he’s about to say out loud, but here Adder is tugging on his heartstrings in a way that only Adder can, and suddenly Janosh wants to tell him everything and give him everything. ] Life without you.. I don’t want it.
[ he’d tried to have some time alone to mourn, he’d tried to join in later with the others like everything was okay and it was just another day where another comrade unfortunately fell behind. he’d tried to put his heart into something and go on, even when that’s near impossible when you’re starving to death on top of everything else. none of it worked. he doesn’t believe (doesn’t want to, even) that any amount of time will change that. ]
You are my home. [ his throat is tight again so he doesn’t continue, but what he means to say is that he wants a home with Adder here too. ]
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so adder does not tell janosh to fuck off, toothless as it would've been anyway. instead he lets out a soft laugh that’s a bit watery with his bottled-up emotion. )
Shit. You really are going to have me behaving like a maiden.
( if he laughs, if he teases, he can almost ignore that needling heartache that has him nuzzling his face into the crook of janosh’s neck again if only so he can blink back tears he refuses to shed.
and maybe janosh has a point. suchdol sounds like hell because all war is hell. this place... it's tortuous in a different way, but at least they can have something of a life here. it's still shit but it's bearable shit.
or it will be now that janosh is here. )
I don't really care if we live in a house or out in the woods. ( he punctuates his thought with a kiss just above janosh's collarbone. ) If you and I are together, it's enough. As always.
( a beat, another few kisses, then, ) But I'm still going to find us a house because you deserve a proper fucking kitchen for once.
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he closes his eyes again as Adder burrows against his neck, bringing his hand to cradle his head, behind his ear. there are a lot of things he can follow up with that aren't silly or teasing, but his chest and throat are still tight, his vision a little soft and misty as though he's just about to wake up from a dream.
god help him if this is a dream. ] It is true, though.
[ Adder is his home, and he always will be. that is that.
his skin tingles pleasantly at the new onslaught of kisses, almost as though his body has forgotten they're just laying around in a bed that's a real cold mess right about now. he swallows down that lingering grief again, making a humming sound in the process. his agreement. it is enough.
but even outside of their strange banter, food is Janosh's love language, and he brightens up considerably then, warm with love and excitement. a proper kitchen, one that's theirs completely. ] A kitchen for me! Ha! [ he attacks Adder with a bunch of kisses, anywhere he can reach.]
And I cook for you every night! Anything you want, potatoes or sausage or whatever.
[ okay, Adder never talks about food and means it, so Janosh will probably be choosing the menu, but that's fine too. the inclusion of a kitchen, where he can take care of his favorite person and express his love easier than even words, is what truly builds a home for them up in his mind. absolutely crazy fucking idea, but obtainable.
he softens, just a tiny bit. ] Janosh and Adder... in their proper fucking house.
[ unbelievable, but possible. ]
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suddenly, finding a good kitchen is even more important than finding a good home. let the place have holes in the bedroom roof for all he cares as long as janosh has the finest kitchen anyone's ever seen. )
Good. ( adder pulls back so he can look janosh in the face when he says what he says next, silly grin plastered on his face. ) I can’t get enough of your sausage.
( has there ever been anyone as funny or clever as the adder? (don’t answer that)
terrible dirty jokes aside, adder’s spirits lift considerably at janosh’s delight, and he suddenly wishes more than anything that he had other grand vows he could make. if only he were a skilled hunter, he’d swear to bring home the best deer, or if he had anything resembling a green thumb he’d promise janosh the finest garden rubilyk had ever seen. he'll have to figure out something else, then. (actually finding a house? that'll be a good start.)
he's so happy, too. for the first time he really feels like he could have a second chance at something real and meaningful. rubilyk might be his final resting place in the end but at least he doesn't have to feel like he's just wasting away while he's still technically living. )
Our proper fucking home, ( he echoes, still smiling. a good mantra. maybe it can replace his old one — "fuck this place." ) Imagine, we can sleep in a room together without listening to Kubyenka snoring and farting all night. ( devils pack stinky what can he say ) Fuck, I can't wait! This is the first time I've looked forward to anything since — ah. Well. You know since when.
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